Type of Aggie currently:
Classification/age at time: 6 & 18 years old
Location of crime: Family's house & Boyfriend's house
Was the crime reported: No
Reasoning for decision to report or not report: "The first two times I was 6, so it wasn't my choice it was my moms and she didn't see the need in it. The third time I didn't report because he was my boyfriend and I knew no one would believe me. I wish my mom would've protected me when I was little, and I wish I would've spoken up when I was 18, maybe I could have protected someone else."
"When I was 6 years old, my step uncle began grooming me. He would bring me into his room at my step grandmother's house and play games with me on his computer. He told me I was beautiful, and special and that he loved me. One night, he woke me up and told me he had a surprise for me. I groggily followed him into his room where he told me to lay down on the bed. I did so and he took my clothes off and climbed on top of me. I remember how badly it hurt and that he covered my mouth when I cried for him to stop. At some point I went numb, and I remember staring at a picture I had drawn of him and I under a rainbow hanging off of his desk. When he finished, he cleaned me up, cleaned the blood and redressed me. Then he told me that this was our secret and if I told anyone I would be in trouble. So I didn't. It continued.
"I tried to stay away from him as much as I could, and attached quickly to my older boy cousin. He always let me play in his room, and he would take me fishing in the creek whenever I wanted. But soon he started to touch me too. I started to think it was normal to have older boys and men touching me that way, I was still only 6. I started to dress like a boy, hoping it would help if I wasn't pretty or wasn't a girl anymore. One day he took me to the creek with a promise of fishing for turtles. We went out into the woods, far away from everyone, a place we had been to hundreds of times. He told me we were going to play a game and laid me down in the grass. Then he got on top of me just like my uncle did. It didn't hurt as badly this time. I just cried quietly and waited for it to end. Afterwards, he took me back home and told me not to tell anyone. I agreed and the next day he brought me a turtle. He and my uncle continued to rape and sodomize me for 2 years.
"At 8 I had a break down and I finally told my mom. Deciding that I would rather be in trouble than do this anymore. She listened to me. Then wiped my tears, and softly said "we need to keep this to ourselves, it will be okay." And I wasn't allowed to talk about it anymore. I couldn't talk about the nightmares that plagued my nights, or the blood that stained my panties. I continued to be taken there every single day while my mom worked for years. Until I was 13 when I was finally old enough to stay home alone.
"At 17 I met a man who was 24. He told me I was beautiful and mature, that he would marry a woman like me if he could. We started dating. He would hit me when I talked back, and I would let him because I had only been in one other relationship and he would hit me too. I wasn't allowed to say no to him, he would hold me down if he had to. I thought he just liked rough sex. I also didn't know that you could be raped by the person you were in a relationship with. The last time it was so violent, he held me down and I just sobbed beneath him begging him to stop. Again I went numb, just going blank until it was over. When he finished, I ran and called my best friend. She told me I was exaggerating and over reacting as I cried to her, feeling my entire body aching. So I left and said it was cause I just wanted to be single. And I said nothing because no one will believe a "scorned ex lover".
"So now I'm 22 and I live with rain clouds a lot, and I am on a bunch of medications to help me cope. I have problems with fertility because of the damage to my organs. I still struggle with nightmares, and sometimes I cry for no reason. But I am talking about it for the first time in my life, not to people I know usually, mostly therapists. But it's helping some. Its helping to know I'm not crazy and I'm not alone. I am not a victim, I am a survivor. And there is a painful beauty in that."